Claudia's Insanity

2008-10-20T10:29:00.002-04:00

OK - It has been 5 months! What can I say, a lot has happened during this time. After graduating, I sort of fell into this funk! What is my purpose in life? Will I be able to succeed with my degree? Oh, the questions that go through your head. I am slowly getting back into the groove. Well, I will continue updating this blog as often as I can. I should have all of the time in the world because I am no longer in school. Well, I do need to find a teaching position at a university or college soon - if anyone knows of a part-time position, please let me know.

Until next time!

2008-05-14T11:16:00.000-04:00

The Date says 2004 - don't ask!

The DEFENSE

2008-04-11T13:48:00.002-04:00

Many people are asking me about the Defense . The Defense is basically that - you defend your research study to a committee and anyone who wants to join in on the fun. I basically broke down each of the five chapters. I was defending three research questions resulting in how my Transition Model will decrease the barriers international students face on campus and in the community, increase the retention, and help international students gain professional experience through mentoring that will help them to successfully graduate.

I provided my vision at the beginning of the presentation and some statistics on international students in the U.S. Currently, there are 582,984 international students in the U.S. I delved into previous research studies on international students and an overview of mentoring in businesses and higher education. The theoretical framework was based on Tinto's (1975) Model of College Student Dropout - why students remain or withdraw from an institution. I presented the results and discussed my Transition Model and the three phases that international students should consider when enrolling in an institution.

I thought I ROCKED! I knew my study so well and felt extremely comfortable presenting all of the data I have lived with for two years. I believe that my defense presentation was one of the best I have given because I was so prepared. Typically, I wing presentations for class. I may look at the slides a half hour before class and not practice what I would say. For the Defense - I practiced at least 20 times and for two straight days.

The stressful part for me was when my defense was over and everyone left the room except for the committee members, who talk about the research, defense, if you pass or fail, if you pass are there any changes needed or more research needed.... Well, what seemed like 3 days was only 20 minutes, and I finally was called into the room to find out if I passed. I was holding a water bottle and twisting the cap as if I was trying to open a can of pickles (I struggle with those jars). Dr. D-B even commented about the twisting. When hearing Dr. Paul say "I would like to introduce you to Dr. Claudia Armani", a sense of joy permeated the room and I was floating....I was very excited. Then the "pain" hit....for the entire week after my defense I could barely move I was so exhausted from all of the hard work. It has been exactly two weeks today, and I am still not back to normal. What is normal for me anymore is questionable :)

OK - I am exhausted and getting ready to leave...

Until next time!

I AM D-O-N-E - FINITO

2008-03-31T16:36:00.002-04:00

WELL - This is it....I passed my defense! What a great feeling. I was very proud of the presentation I gave for my defense and felt that I did a great job - I practiced my presentation at least 20 times...I was getting on my own nerves.

I think I am still in shock from the experience of standing in front of a room full of super smart doctors and presenting to them.

As always - Dr. P. is the best. I did look at him a few times during my presentation hoping to get a little smile that says "you are doing great" - nope. I think that he wanted me to sweat and feel the pain. No worries - it was well worth it.

I will continue to write in this blog. Hopefully I will be able to write about "fun" things in my life.

Until next time!

D Day - Defense Day Countdown - 23 hours

2008-03-27T16:54:00.002-04:00

Thanks for the comments on the previous blog.

Karen - I am sure you can relate to what I am going through since you have recently went through the same thing - much more painful - I don't think I could study to become a medical doctor...You finally did it, and I am so proud of you cuz.

Dr. Paul - I spend more time with you than my colleagues at work and my family and friends. Not that you are not a friend, but you know what I mean. You know me very well and you are so right - I am a total spaz. Hopefully after tomorrow you will not have to deal with me sitting in "the chair" in your office talking in circles. I do have to admit, we have had some fun conversations.

Bea - Thanks for the words of confidence - I am very fortunate to work with such an amazing person (although it is through phone/email/sametime).

Let's see - what am I feeling right now? - Dr. Paul claims that the Defense is very anti-climatic. Although I have been living with my research study for ~ two years, I am excited to present the findings to the committee and whoever decides to see me go through pain.

I have not been able to work out for a week (unusual for me), and I think that is why I am spazing out even more. I am going to hit up a Zumba class tonight to calm my nerves (maybe a bottle of vodka when I get home) - just kidding Dr. P. I promise to not show up tomorrow with a hangover.

I have been receiving a ton of email and cards from friends who are cheering me on through this Defense. It is good to know that there are great people who are looking out for me and supporting me. I have received some great advice, a good luck bean plant, and many hugs.

Thank you everyone.

I hope I can post on Saturday morning (maybe Monday) that I passed the defense.

Until Next Time!

Dissertation Defense is Scheduled

2008-03-18T19:26:00.003-04:00

I just received the email today that my dissertation defense is scheduled for Friday, March 28 at 4:00 p.m. I have to say....I was very close to running to the rest room to get sick. I am a complete MESS! I thought I would ease my mind and jump online to review past dissertation defensers and their advice/comments/horror stories. I read many, and I am praying that my defense is not as bad as some that I read. I have the same emotions that everyone mentioned in their blogs - WHEW, I am normal. Everything from feeling like a complete idiot to reviewing your data and nothing makes sense. I have experienced feeling confident that I use more than 10% of my brain, and I have also felt that I only use 1% of my brain. I have had many ups and downs - from euphoria to low self esteem - excitement to depression - no stress to too much stress. Maybe if I was not working every second of the day and my personal life was not so complicated, the whole experience may have been different. Of course, it is all about the attitude, and I am trying very hard to be positive.

As I have mentioned many times before, Dr. Paul has been absolutely amazing. Anyone who can put up with my anxiety is a saint. I do not freak out (Dr. Paul may beg to differ), but I am extremely anal and ask a lot of questions.

Well, I am going to continue working on my presentation for the defense. I will send an email to everyone the week of March 31 to report whether I passed or failed my defense. Please say a million prayers for me because I need them. I love you all.

Until Next Time!

COMPLETED DISSERTATION - FIRST DRAFT

2008-03-02T16:56:00.004-05:00

OK - I HAVE OFFICIALLY LOST MY MIND - SERIOUSLY. I can't think of one more think - no more reading and writing - I CANNOT TAKE IT ANYMORE.

Well - A LOT has happened in the last 2 weeks. I inherited a cute little stray cat - found him on the side of the road about a mile from my house. I could not leave him out in the cold. I was not planning on keeping him, just wanted to take him to the vet to get him cleaned up and checked for any creatures living in his fur. This poor guy - he was nothing but one big messy matted hair ball. I got his bal-- snipped, and brought him to my house to recover. I was trying to find a home, but you know how that one goes - yep - he is now part of the Armani clan. I named him Nico - all he wants to do is play with Sydney and Monet, and all they want is for him to go away. Anyway, he has now took over the house and has every cat toy in the world in every room. Like Sydney and Monet, he is a maincoon, so having three fur balls is going to be a lot of work.

As for school - I just sent over my complete dissertation (294 pages) to Dr. Paul. I love Dr. Paul to death, but he dropped a bomb on me last Monday and he asked if I could have my dissertation completed by March 7 - that was 11 days away and I still had 30 more days of work left. So, I took vacation days on Thursday and Friday - worked on my dissertation both days and spent all of Saturday and Sunday doing the same. MY BRAIN IS MUSH and I think my ASS grew bigger from sitting so much!!!! I am keeping my fingers, arms, and legs crossed that there will only be minor changes. He also wants me to defend my dissertation at the end of March - OK - when I read that, I thought I was going to have a heart attack right there at work.

On a serious note - Dr. Paul has been awesome. I am looking forward to working with him in the future.

Dr. Paul - I saw your comment about demonstrating Zumba in my defense. I think that would make the defense very interesting - I will add this to my presentation.

So - I am going into hibernation for the month of March - no joke! I will be making changes to my dissertation and preparing for my defense. Everything must be completed by April 15, and on that day, I will be a new person. Hopefully all of the wrinkles I inherited during this time will diminish.

OK - It is March 2 and I am officially in hibernation mode.

Until next time!

Chapter 4 and 5 are complete - rough draft

2008-02-15T11:27:00.004-05:00

OK - I have been really bad with keeping everyone informed of my life. It has been ~ 1 month since I last wrote about the insanity in my life. Let's see here - I turned in Chapters 4 and 5 to Dr. Paul and waiting for his final comments. The last time I saw him, I think I scared him to the point where he probably does not want to see me for a while. I had the flu and I think I infected his office when I could not stop coughing...it did not help that he had the flu as well. I am keeping my fingers crossed that I will have minor changes to make.

It looks like everything is starting to slow down a little, and I am waiting to get word on the final draft, format the 260 pages (doing this on Monday with a MS Word Expert), write the Abstract, Acknowledgements, etc. Basically, all 5 chapters are complete and the Appendixes are just about complete.

I will write more this weekend. Just wanted to let you all know that I am still alive and only half insane.

This picture is of me and one of my best friends Jennifer - Unfortunately, I do not have the opportunity to see her that often because we live many miles apart (she lives in Texas) - this picture was taken at her baby shower last July. I can't wait to visit once I graduate.

Until Next Time!

2008-01-17T07:08:00.000-05:00

It has been a while since I last wrote...I did not want anyone to think I went "missing". I am just super busy. I met with Dr. Semich (head of the Ph.D. program) yesterday to review all five chapters of my dissertation (chapter 5 was not complete, but enough for Dr. Semich to review and make comments). Chapter 5 is the conclusion and discussion chapter - the most important chapter in a dissertation. To my surprise, Dr. Semich said he was extremely happy with my progress and that I wrote my chapters exactly the way I was supposed to...not skipping any steps. That is the anal side of me...don't ever ask me for directions because you will get every detail from point A to point B - including roadkill (just kidding). Although I have a lot of work to do, I am pushing to complete my rough draft by February 1 - one month ahead of schedule.

Another lesson learned through this journey - never give up on my dreams under any circumstance - it is my journey and my future.

Lorie and I took our first Zumba class last night (Latin dancing and aerobics) - Wow - it felt great. I have been using my elliptical machine every day and that can get boring. I have not stepped into an aerobic class in a few years, so it is felt good to do something I really love again. Lorie and I signed up for 18 classes. I finally feel that I am getting my life back together...everything is falling into place and I am not a bundle of nerves all the time (that will change when my dissertation defense is scheduled).

Until next time!

2007-12-21T13:24:00.000-05:00

This is a very rare picture of Sydney and Monet because the two of them are not necessarily fond of one another. Sydney on the left is very jealous of Monet on the right. If Monet is within a few feet from me, Sydney is attacking her - it is hilarious.

Well - the last Friday before Christmas, and I have an hour left of work before I go home and celebrate that I don't have to walk into work until Wednesday.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE!

Grades are officially in!

2007-12-18T07:19:00.000-05:00

Just received my final grades for the semester and basically for the program. I have Dissertation Seminar V in the spring, but this is Pass or Fail...If I pass, I graduate, if I fail, I do not. My final GPA is 3.96. Although grades do not matter, and I am very happy with my GPA, it just sucks that I have all As and 1 B+. I would have rather had at least 2 Bs...to miss a 4.0 by a teeny tiny amount is a little disappointing. Well, I need to be proud that I earned As in Statistics I and II....the most difficult and the most feared courses. In some sick way, I really enjoyed Statistics. Not because I got As, but I really love equations.

Although I will be graduating in May, I will continue to write in this blog for those of you who want to keep up with the craziness in my life. Especially my friends who live in other states and countries, which is most of you. I have been blessed with great friends through this whole thing. I received so much support from friends, and I feel that I could not have made it through this program sane. I am not saying I am 100% sane, but would probably be insane if it weren't for my friends. Thanks to all of you for the many kinds words and support. Danielle - thank you for your love and support - your phone mail messages got me through some tough times...I am lucky to have a best friend like you. Holli, Jennifer, and Dave (my other three best friends) - thanks for all of your patience. Holli and Jennifer - I will be heading to Dallas and Erie more often next year. Last but not least - thank you to Dr. Paul and my cohort - I have learned a great deal from all of you.

Until next time!

ABD

2007-12-17T13:05:00.000-05:00

This is my cat MONET!

ABD - ALL BUT THE DISSERTATION! This is where I am at right now. In other words, I am finished with classes (ALL), BUT I need to finish my DISSERTATION. What a great feeling...I don't know what I will do with myself on Thursday evenings. For the past 2.5 years, I have had class on Thursday evenings...actually, I had many of my classes on Thursday evenings when I was working on my masters. Bad night - Grey's Anatomy night - what the hell were they thinking? :)

What I have left to do....

I turned in Chapter 4 (Results) yesterday to Dr. Paul (rough draft). I had a little meltdown yesterday...I could not remove these "lines" on my paper. I tried everything. Jim tried everything. I got so pissed, that I hit my computer and the letter "P" flew off - nice. I think the "P" stood for "pissed". I laughed at myself thinking that I am going insane because of a few lines on my paper. I shot my paper over to Dr. Paul asking him to ignore the lines, but with a little help, he gave me some direction on how to remove them.

I have to start writing Chapter 5 - "Discussion" I think this will be the most fun to write because I get to write about my interpretation of the data (of course without being bias). Dr. Paul believes this will take a weekend, but for me, it will take three weekends. I am also adding a "booklet" to the appendixes. I told Dr. Paul that I will be completely finished with my dissertation by the end of February. I am hoping to defend at the end of March - get myself prepared for the "worst" part! I just hope that they don't hurt me too bad. My mind is fragile right now :)

Patrizia and Lucio - Ciao Bella! Come stai. Io sto bene! Grazie for the comment! Patrizia is my cousin's girlfriend - they live in Torino, Italy. A picture is posted near the bottom of this blog. I really wish they lived here in America.

Until next time!

I AM FINISHED....with classes!

2007-12-14T10:39:00.000-05:00

CLASSES ARE OFFICIALLY COMPLETE!

I should start a countdown...

2007-12-09T15:01:00.000-05:00

Thank goodness the weather sucks right now because sitting in my cube at work on Sunday afternoon is not exciting. At least I get to leave in a half hour to watch the Stiller game at my best friends house. I put in six hours yesterday and six hours today - coding my data and writing my results section. Holy $hit - every time I feel that I made progress, I realize I have so much more to write and analyze. BTW - I JUST FINISHED MY LAST HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT! I just wrote my last paper (an RFP) that is due this Thursday, December 13. Oh, and yes, this Thursday is my last class. I think these past eight weeks went by so quickly. Two and one half years of writing papers, taking exams, presentations, homework, writing a practicum, the first three chapters of my dissertation, and going through my meltdown over the summer with my cat is now behind me. I have been waiting for this moment forever, and now I get to concentrate on my dissertation, and only my dissertation. Unless you are a Ph.D. student, nobody can truly understand the trials and tribulations of a Ph.D. program. I take that back....unless you already have your Ph.D., and the past haunts you from your days as a student. I am sure every time Dr. Paul spends time with me on my dissertation, the painful memories surface. Unfortunately, he does not have the pleasure of just ending his dissertation advisory role when I graduate...he has more students from the next cohort. Ouch!

Well, just wanted to give an update on my Chapter 4 (Results). My coding is complete and now the fun part of analyzing. I look forward to working in this area (mentoring international students in higher education) in the future.

Until next time!

GO STILLERS!

Dedicated to Dr. Paul

2007-11-28T10:29:00.000-05:00

DR. PAUL - Thank you for the wonderful comment you posted on 11/15. I am not just saying this because I have to be nice to you so you don't fail me :), but I have learned a great deal from you. I have a lot of respect for you and your commitment to education. I don't think that I would have had the same type of relationship with any other professor in the program. You have been very patient with me while I have been pulling my hair out these past 15 months. I am assuming that you have found a new love - QUALITATIVE RESEARCH. :) I know that we will always be in contact, so you don't have to worry about failing me to stick around.

So, I am down to one in-depth interview with a graduate student, as opposed to three. One was a no-show last night, and the other showed up, but was not engaged in the interview. I was getting a bit "over-concerned" (Dr. P's remark) with my student participants. So, what I have learned from Dr. Paul is "don't worry so much about the [number of participants]. Bottom line is what useful information you obtained AND what sensible recommendations and conclusions you are able to draw that are based on your data". This is something to always keep in mind when collecting data.

OK - this was short and sweet today. I just wanted to dedicate this post to Dr. Paul - the best professor in the world!

Until next time!

P.S. I wish I had a camera to throw my hand in front of it! :)

2007-11-23T16:15:00.000-05:00

Alas! I just finished transcribing the last interview. Well, I have three more interviews to conduct, but I did finish transcribing all of the interviews I have already conducted. I have to admit, I have been procrastinating on the transcribing piece. I just think it is very unproductive. All right, it does have some benefit to it - I can REALLY listen to what the interviewees are saying during the interviews. So, I have seven faculty members, six industry professionals, three focus groups with students, and three in-depth interviews with students. Collecting these data are the fun part - I get to meet new faculty and students, and listen to their perspective of the American dream. I also get the opportunity to spend some time with my colleagues, and understand their perspective of the corporate America. So, I collect all of these data (interviews/focus groups), and then transcribe (what a pain in my ass), and now I will be writing my results section of my dissertation, writing the results - easy! Well see!

Well, I am down to three more weeks of class. I can't believe the coursework is almost over. It will be nice to put away the books for classes and concentrate on just my dissertation.

I have been home all week, working on finishing up the transcriptions, but I have not had the opportunity to spend time working on my dissertation. I have to admit, I took some time to shop and watch movies. I was ready to crack - seriously. I think I have been pushed beyond what my brain can take - NO MORE INFORMATION!!! I just wanted to sit and veg out. I can't remember the last time I did that.

Yesterday was turkey day, and dammit, I gained four pounds. WOW - first time in months, but it was well worth it. You would have thought that I have not eaten in a year. I actually did not eat much normal food (turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, etc) - I ate so many damn crackers with cheese and pepperoni. I have not had those things in more than 6 months...I went a little overboard. Now, I feel like crap. My stomach has been bothering me all day. I did workout on the elliptical machine for an hour. OK...I need to work out for 10 hours to burn off all the calories from yesterday - no joke! As I am writing this, there are cookies, cakes and pumpkin rolls staring at me. I need to throw them away - I can't take it anymore. My jeans feel tight and my belly is hanging over. NICE!

The weekend just started, and I have a ton of stuff due for my class this Thursday. Did I mention that I can't wait until this class is over? I think I have senior-itis. I just don't want to be there - I just want to finish my dissertation.

OK - somebody asked me the other day if I regret going into this program. Now that I am almost finished with the program, NO. I have no regrets, but I would never do it again, and I probably would not recommend it to someone who works full time. It has been the best and worst experience. The best because I have learned a great deal of knowledge, worked with some of the best professors - Dr. Paul is my favorite, and I get to engage in many opportunities that I will enjoy when I graduate. The worst because I have been unable to seriously relax in three years, haven't been able to see my friends when I really wanted to, and gained a lot of grey hair and wrinkles - seriously. It is amazing what stress will do to you. :) Anyway, I know that we have to go through the coursework and dissertation to be able to be credible in our field of interest, but sometimes I wish I could skip all that and just jump into it.

Well - I think I am going to paint now. I painted a beautiful canvas for my bathroom....It is my favorite yet. Not bragging here because I have never enrolled in a painting course or art class, but it is my own masterpiece. I am sure Jim doesn't like to see my art on the walls, but I just think it builds character in the home.

Until next time!

2007-11-15T07:43:00.000-05:00

WOW - I have been really busy and have not had the time to write (at least not in my blog). These last few weeks have been extremely challenging! In one week, I worked my normal 40+ hours at my day job, conducted two focus groups, presented "leadership" training in two undergraduate classes, and interviewed one faculty and one industry professional. I was exhausted by the end of the week.

I have all of my faculty interviews complete, and one more industry professional to interview tomorrow. As for the focus groups, I have three, and trying to get a fourth. I am really excited to start analyzing the data.

Thank goodness I am off from work all next week - I am ready to crack!!!

I have five weeks left in my Writing for Publication class, and I am FINISHED with coursework!!!!!! On December 13, I am planning on ending the evening after class with a few drinks to celebrate. I am hoping to call a cab to take me home, for I probably won't be able to walk. Two and one half years of courses.....DONE!

OH - I forgot. I love hiking! Here is a picture of me right before I wiped out on a rock covered with moss...the white jacket I am wearing, is no longer white. My friend happened to take this picture while I was talking - nice! Although I thought I broke my arm when I fell and I was in a lot of pain, it was well worth it. I feel like I am "one with nature" when I am in the woods. Great stress reliever!

Until next time!

Interviews Galore

2007-10-14T15:20:00.000-04:00

Well, I have conducted one interview with an international faculty member at RMU, Dr. Omurtag. He was just fascinating to listen to all of his experiences with international students, and as an international student himself at one time. I have conducted two international industry professional interviews, Katherine (Mexico) and Isaac (Venezuela). Wow - again, it is just very exciting to listen to their experiences. Although when I interviewed Isaac, I got a little teary eyed because I have a soft heart for people who are a victim of discrimination. Listening to some of the barriers he faces as a minority in our company hit the "emotional" side of me. Hopefully he did not notice.

After just these three interviews, it amazes me that America is so ignorant or blind to what international students/employees can offer businesses in the U.S. I am so envious of the international students/employees because of their ability to speak multiple languages, and have experienced many different cultures with an open mind. Conducting these interviews are very exciting for me because I get to sit and listen to people talk about their culture and their life.

I am hoping to get some student interviews soon. I have not had much luck so far, but I will be "snowballing" for some recruits....I may have to offer money, food...anything. I can't blame them...I am sure they are so busy with classes. I can relate. Oh...I have one more class left in this Finance class, which I will truly miss (no sarcasm here)...seriously, one of the best classes. Dr. Hughey is the best! We have a paper and presentation due on Thursday, then I have my very last class in this program - Writing for Publication. AMAZING!!! I can't believe it is almost over.

We had our Dissertation Seminar IV class this past Saturday (one a month), and Dr. Semich told us that we will be defending our dissertations in March. When I heard that, I imagined the gray hair and wrinkles popping out of my scalp and skin.

These last few months have been HELL! (it seems like there is a trend here). Not only do I have to complete coursework, write a dissertation, and have more work at GSK to keep me busy for the rest of my life, but my house is a complete mess. We are having a new kitchen floor (with new appliances) installed, and remodeling our powder room. It is almost complete, and our contractor, Rick, has done a tremendous job. But, bad karma has been setting in. I am not exaggerating, and I will make this short, but we had four vanities (the first one fell off the cart-not our fault, and the other 2 were scratched), ran out of flooring (this was a good thing...forced me to change the powder room floor, which I like better), installing the third range hood (the first two were dented), and now our brand new dishwasher is leaking. Rick will be finished this week, so I am praying that nothing else happens.

Well...I need to get back to writing this huge paper due on Thursday.....I am exhausted.

Until next time!

IRB APPROVAL

2007-09-21T15:24:00.000-04:00

I received IRB approval with no revisions - nearly impossible. I am so excited. Now, I can start to conduct my interviews and focus groups to collect my data. I am still shocked that I received approval at the first try. I had revisions from my Practicum, which is not as "big" as the dissertation. The Director of International Student Services sent out an email yesterday to the international students to introduce my study. Next week, she will be sending out the "request for participation" email.....this is going to be a fun three months.

Until next time!

2007-09-09T20:51:00.000-04:00

This is Madison - my niece. I just love this picture of her - my favorite. I took this picture a couple years ago in my backyard. I am not being bias, but I think she is the most beautiful little girl I have ever seen. She is just so much fun to play with as well.

Picture of my Cohort

2007-09-09T20:40:00.001-04:00

I finally received a picture of my cohort. I thought it would be nice to have a picture of the nine other people I have practically lived with for the past 2.5 years. OK - starting from the bottom, is me, Lorie is behind me in the blue, MiChele, Tom, Kelley, Mucho with the shaved head, Mark with the yellow shirt, Matt with the hat, Romzy, and Budda at the top. We have all been together since the beginning - June, 2005. I really like being in a cohort-based program because I really get to know most of them on a personal basis, which makes this journey much more enjoyable. I really hope we all stay in touch forever.

What a feeling!!!

2007-09-03T16:34:00.000-04:00

It's official - I submitted my first three chapters today - 77 pages - I feel good! I just hope that I don't need to make a lot of revisions. A few classmates have told me they had 6 to 7 revisions. YIKES! I hope I only have 2 or 3. Needless to say, it is Labor Day today and gorgeous outside. Here I am, 4:30 p.m. sitting in a conference room at work. I am exhausted and brain-dead. I have to read four chapters, write a paper, and create a presentation for my class on Thursday.

Tomorrow, I am turning in my "stuff" to the IRB - hoping to get approval to conduct my study ASAP. My dissertation chair told me that I need to take off a couple weeks and relax - I can't get away from my dissertation - I take a day off here and there, but every day that I do take off, it is one more day that I have to make up in loss time. I took off on Saturday to paint my kitchen - ahhhh.... that is relaxation for me.

OK - I am going to go now because I want to get outta here.

Until next time!

WOW - I need to get on the ball

2007-08-28T07:27:00.001-04:00

Hello - here we are - another month and I did not write anything. Does that tell ya that I am super busy? Let's see here - Well, I am getting ready to start up classes in two days. My first class is a Finance course - I know I will hate this one - I don't even balance my check book. The second class is Writing for Publication - should teach us how to publish books and papers. I have published one article about two years ago. My big project when I graduate is to publish a book - this class should be able to help me with that.

As for my dissertation, I am just about finished with all three chapters. I am reviewing Chapter 2, which is the meat of my first three chapters. So far, 62 pages. Not bad. I think I went a little neurotic with my resources because I have about 8 pages worth, and I still have 2 more chapters to go.

I received approval from my company to conduct the study using international associates working at GSK. I had to go through a lot of red tape - I thought just HR would get involved, but I had to go through our Legal department to get approval as well.

If everything turns out OK - I should be submitting my IRB information at the end of this week - wow - the process is much more rigorous than it was a year ago when I requested approval for conducting research for my practicum. I have to turn in just about any conversation I have with my participants, and get all kinds of signatures. What happened to simplicity?

I am a little nervous about this fall semester. I am working full time, taking two courses, and interviewing approximately 115 people. Hmmmm....all in 4 months. Seems about impossible, but once I collect all of my data through the interviews/focus groups, I will need to transcribe the conversations (I will probably pay someone to do that - any takers?), analyze the data and state my conclusions. This will be tough, but I think it will be extremely interesting.

Until next time!

2007-07-24T19:23:00.001-04:00

OK...OK...OK... Two of my friends "yelled" at me this weekend for the lost weeks of updates. Jennifer and Christa - It was awesome seeing the two of you this weekend. I really enjoyed our talks and watching Jennifer open up baby presents - I am pretty excited that I am going to be an aunt again. Unfortunately, I will be many miles away from him. Once this journey is over next May, I will be visiting Texas more often.

Quick and dirty update on the love of my life - Sydney. I just found out two hours ago that she is no longer diabetic. Her glucose level was normal, and she no longer needs insulin shots twice a day. These last few months have been absolutely hell trying to find enough skin on her little body to give her a shot - FINALLY - it is all over.

I completed my IRB form last week, but waiting for approval from the legal department in my company to allow me to conduct the study with the international employees employed at GSK. An IRB (Internal Review Board) must review all studies involving human subjects conducted through the university. Being that I am going to be conducting interviews and focus groups with international students and faculty at RMU, along with international employees at GSK, I must supply the IRB with a 100-page paper on the scope of my study and if there will be any potential harm to the participants (OK - I was exaggerating about the 100 pages - more like 10).

I have been trying to complete the first three chapters of my dissertation - just about there. I think I am just being neurotic about the "small stuff". No joke - sometimes it takes me two hours to write one stinking paragraph - ONE!!! I spent a few hours tonight writing, and you can see where it led me - straight to this blog because I am getting ready to throw my computer out on the street. The cool thing is that when I get frustrated, I no longer F-bomb...I go for a nice long walk in the neighborhood. Although these two boxers across the street scare the $hit out of me when they jump out from behind the trees, I don't let them get in the way of my "F this dissertation" attitude. I ran into a neighbor who shares my pain with the boxers. I am not the only idiot that walks on the other side of the road avoiding them.

OK - speaking of walking, I just went out a few hours ago for 2 miles, but now I am heading out again before I eat everything in the house :)

Until next time!

2007-07-03T17:20:00.000-04:00

Got my grades today - two As and one Pass - Yeah. Although grades do not matter at all in a doctoral program, I am sort of bummed that I have all A's and one B+ - carrying a 3.96 GPA. I got the B+ in curriculum at the beginning of the program. I won't go into any more detail about that class...brings back many bad memories , not to mention I gained a ton of weight from the stress. Crazy thing - I got A's in Statistics I and II, Quantitative Research, and Qualitative Research - the four hardest courses.
Now all I have left are two classes in the fall - a financial class and Writing for Publication. I have to get my butt moving on my dissertation. I am going to try to work on it every day from here on out. At least 1/2 hour each day. I am not trying to make excuses to not work on my dissertaiton, but I am just so exhausted. I seriously need to move away for two months and do nothing but work on it. I would love to be able to spend more time on research. I actually enjoy reading and writing now. Not that I did not like reading before, but I dreaded writing. Over the last few years, I probably wrote over 100 papers. The more I read, the better I write. The more I write, the more confident I am in my writing.

If you are planning on enrolling in a doctoral program, be prepared to write and write and write and write. If you feel that you are not a good writer...don't worry - you will eventually become a great writer. I actually thought about spending one year on my writing prior to enrolling into the program, but Dr. Semich talked me out of it. Thank goodness! I would have 2 years left instead of 2 classes.

Although this journey has been wonderful and painful at the same time, I learned a great deal about myself. I don't think that I would be the person I am today if I did not enroll into this program. I feel that I have become much stronger as a person, more confident in who I am, and gained a strong will to never give up no matter what is thrown at me. I have always strived to learn as much as I can, but going through this program has opened many doors for me. Doors that will lead me down so many paths. I have so many opportunities with this degree. I just can't wait until I can really start my journey after I graduate.

Update on Sydney - Took her to the vet today - glucose level down to 190 - she is doing great on the double dose of insulin. I have had her for five years now and she has been so wonderful. I always felt that she was abused by her prior owner, and now I know she was. They found a gun pellet in her right shoulder today. She is going under the knife on Thursday for the vet to remove the pellet. Hopefully she won't be in any more pain.

Until next time!

2007-06-25T22:23:00.000-04:00

I am OFFICIALLY finished with one summer class. All eight papers are complete, two asynchronous discussions have been answered and responded to. I am DONE!!!!! Good feeling. Now, I have 2 presentations to give on Wednesday and a final exam on Thursday. Life is good. On Thursday at noon, I will have two more courses in the fall and I am considered ABD - All But the Dissertation - translation - I am DONE with coursework - FINITO! All I have left after December 15ish is to complete my dissertation - easy stuff - just kidding. Most doctoral students stop at the ABD mark - why - they loose interest in finishing their dreadful long dissertation. I REFUSE to let that happen. If I have to take an educational leave of absence from work, I will. I REFUSE to not graduate on May 10, 2008 (the day after my 36th birthday - what a present).

One quick note - Sydney is doing a little better. I am still freaking out about the shots.

Until next time!

2007-06-24T14:17:00.000-04:00

The Moral Character of Learning

The moral character of learning - both for the healthy constructing of ourselves and for the reverential reconstructing of our world - is equally important to the intellectual mastery of knowledge. Neither aspect of learning - its intellectual or its moral character - can be authentically engaged without the other.

2007-06-22T22:47:00.000-04:00

To the world you may be one person, to one person you may be the world.

We picked up Sydney from the vet hospital today. She was in there for three days. I am a little more receptive to this new "change" in my life. I have always enjoyed my lifestyle - get up on the weekends and do whatever I wanted to do. Now, I will be giving Sydney insulin shots twice a day for hopefully not the rest of her life. Big change, but well worth it. If she lives another 10 years, I will be more than happy to change my lifestyle.

OK - enough of the personal stuff. Today completed our first week of the summer semester of Year 3. We officially have one week and one semester left of coursework. We had Dissertation Seminar III today. We discussed the Proposal Defense in great detail. What is a Proposal Defense? It is the what, why, and how of your dissertation. It is the first three chapters of your dissertation. It is the Introduction, Review of Literature, and Methodology of your dissertation. Get it? You meet with your committee of three and "defend" why you feel your topic is important and how it will contribute to research in that field. I sort of defended my proposal back in May when I met with my committee to discuss my methodology. The meeting was to be a preliminary meeting to the "big" meeting. They were all very pleased, and with a few minor changes to my Methodology, the proposal defense is complete. Whew - big load of my shoulders.

Although the two courses I am taking this summer are geared more toward K-12 education, I am learning a great deal. Dr. W. is so passionate and enthusiastic about "supervision" and "managing the instructional environment". Although he uses supervision in the context of an educational environment, I convert his lectures (in my head) to the corporate world.

The doctoral program I am currently enrolled in is cohort based. As part of the cohort, you really get to know one another very well. I really like everyone in my cohort. I do have to say that I am fortunate to be in a classroom with such great scholars. We all respect one another. One woman decided to leave the program in the first week of the first semester. I felt bad for her, but within minutes of meeting her, I knew that she could be a thorn in our side. She freaked out on just about anything and everything. I understand that there is a lot of stress, but at least finish the semester. She had 3 days left to at least get 6 credits toward a doctorate.

Well, I am tired and it is after 11:00 on a Friday night. I spent my evening walking 4.5 miles with one of my best friends. Yep - no social life. I have to get some type of exercise in every day to keep my sanity.

Until next time!

2007-06-19T20:08:00.000-04:00

I just read something I want to share. I think that as a parent, supervisor, educator, or whomever you are, this is very important to remember:

You do not have the moral option to choose not to learn. Choosing not to learn is choosing not to know what you will need to know in order to make a contribution to the world. Your chosen ignorance may be the occasion of an accident, the loss of life, the failure of an important project, the frustration of a community's dream, the disappointment of people who were counting on you to perform.

Source: T. J. Sergiovanni & R. J. Starratt, Supervision: A Redefinition

Two Weeks of Hell

2007-06-19T18:54:00.000-04:00

Well, here I am on day 2 of the "two weeks of HELL". Our first class, Managing the Instructional Environment is really awesome. Dr. W is enthusiastic and very deep with his feelings. Anyway, really good class. The online class is pretty good, but way too much work.

It is hard for me to not want to jump in and do some work stuff. I did jump on my email and answered a few questions. I am going to go in at the end of the week for some meetings.

Today is day 3 of giving Sydney her insulin shots. This sucks! My vet sucks! I think he is feeling guilty because he won't call me back. He is probably mad because he did not get to cash in on all of the cashola I gave another vet - $430.00 for the bill. OUCH! Sydney is worth every dime though. I am just "ticked off" that I have to give her a shot every day.

I worked on some revisions for my methodology chapter this afternoon. I feel like I have accomplished a lot with the chapter, but I probably need another full day to finish it and edit it. I will soon send it off to Dr. Paul to review and send to the rest of my committee.

I am off to read three more chapters (we have been assigned three chapters a night) in my supervision book. If you start to see sentences that don't sense make, just ignore them...for some reason, I can't get things straight anymore. I think the stress is really getting to me. Both work, school, and personal.

Until next time!

Priorities

2007-06-17T15:09:00.000-04:00

My cat has been acting very strange lately, so we took her to the vet this morning. We found out that she has diabetes as a result from a steroid injection she had 5 weeks ago for a pulled muscle. We have to give her insulin shots everyday. Watching her is tearing me apart. Sydney does not leave my side to often when I am home. So, when family emergencies occur, how do you juggle other priorities in your life, especially as a doctoral student?

I start the two weeks summer session tomorrow, and my head is not where it needs to be to go through this intense time. Right now, I am trying to write a paper that is due Tuesday. I finished 5 papers due within the next two weeks, but the one I am working on today is kicking my A$$. At the same time, I am sulking because I feel bad about Sydney. I think that when you are in this stage as a doctoral student, some of the excitement of graduating sort of goes away. I am extremely burned out physically, mentally, and emotionally. Every time I think about what I need to do to complete my dissertation in 11 months I get sick to my stomach. Working full time, taking care of a house and now a sick cat, and working on a dissertation can be overwhelming.

I guess I just need to have faith that everything will work out in the end. I can't wait until the end.

Until next time!

Meeting with Dr. Paul

2007-06-14T07:14:00.001-04:00

I met with Dr. Paul last night (my dissertation chair). He is just amazing. Every time I leave his office I feel like I have accomplished so much in that hour or two. He challenges me to really think long and hard about what I am trying to accomplish with my dissertation. He makes a broad suggestion and then leaves it up to me to dig deep down into my gut and say what I want to say and how I want to say it. Dr. Paul has told me once before, "You have it all in your head, you just need to figure out a way to capture every detail and write it on paper." I know what I know, but I have to remember that the readers may not know what I am trying to say.

Writing a dissertation is like riding on a roller coaster - you will have your ups and downs and twists and turns as you conduct your research. With my experience, I have found that the Review of Literature Chapter (2) is the most difficult. Reading a million articles and previous studies conducted on the same research you want for your own dissertation will drive you insane. I actually enjoyed writing Chapter 3 - the Methodology. This chapter explains how you are going to carry out your research.
My dissertation is going to be qualitative and the instruments I will use to collect my data will be interviews and focus groups. I must be able to explain every little detail on how I will collect data, describe the participants, explanation of how I will analyze the data, etc.....

Here is a brief explanation of the chapters in a Dissertation:

Chapter 1 - Introduction - Introduce your research, the significance, research questions/hypotheses - much more
Chapter 2 - Review of Literature - the HELL chapter - what studies have been conducted on your research? You have to write about the good, the bad, and the ugly. What are some of the theories on your research.
Chapter 3 - Methodology - what is your research design, who are your participants, how will you collect and analyze the data?
Chapter 4 - Results - strictly results, no flub.
Chapter 5 - Discussion - discussion of findings, recommendations, future research opportunities

This is just a quick and dirty rundown of the chapters in a dissertation. I have seen some dissertations that are 200 pages and others that are 600 pages. I am hoping my dissertation will be somewhere in the middle, leaning more toward the 200 pages.

So, when it is time to pick a Dissertation Chair, make sure it is someone you trust and can count on to help you through this journey. I think that your Chair makes all the difference in the world. I don't think I would be where I am today if it weren't for Dr. Paul - he is the BEST!

Until next time!

It's the Weekend

2007-06-09T15:06:00.001-04:00

It is Saturday, 80 degrees outside, gorgeous blue skies, and I am sitting in a conference room at work (much quieter than home) and trying to get ahead for one of my classes in the upcoming summer session. I call the summer session the "two weeks of HELL" - there is that word again. Eight hours a day (2 classes) sitting indoors when it is beautiful outside. This summer we have one class on campus, and one class online. We have eight papers due in the 8 days in the online class we have this summer. I guess having an online class is better than sitting in a classroom, but I need DISCIPLINE. When it comes to the sun, all I want is to be outside. I don't care what I am doing, I just want to see the sunlight. It is hard to stay inside and work on my laptop. I could bring the laptop out to the pool, but tried it and it does not work. My screen is not sunshine friendly - can't see a damn thing. OK - gotta get back and write a personal reflection about "changes in my family" - wow - I think I can write a novel.

Until next time!

Life of a Third Year Doctoral Student

2007-06-08T08:05:00.000-04:00

The main purpose for this blog is to write about MY journey as a doctoral student. My dissertation chair/professor, Dr. Paul, asked me to start this blog about a year ago. I regret not starting way back then, but it is better late than never. Tracking my journey through this program may help others who are going through the same pain. Pain is not the best word to describe this journey. More like HELL! (just being honest)

I am starting my third and final year in a week. The last two years have been a roller coaster for me. At first, I felt smart, then really stupid, then somewhat smart, then more stupid than George Bush...you get the picture. In my opinion, the coursework was the most difficult the first year of the program. In the second year, taking classes, completing a Practicum (mini-dissertation), and starting my Dissertation was EXTREMELY difficult.

I have been working on my dissertation for ~ 10 months now. My topic is around mentoring international students in higher education. Here is a tip: your dissertation topic must be on something that you absolutely love. I believe in mentoring and enjoy researching the difficulties international students face in the United States.

If you are interested in enrolling into a doctoral program, here are a few pointers that may help:

Divorce your husband/wife and kids (you will never see them)
Tell all of your friends "it has been nice knowing you"
QUIT your job!!!!! I find this to be the biggest challenge - borderline impossible
If you do work, be prepared to use all of your vacation time for school
Be prepared to get fat, really FAT!
Have a shrink made available to you at all times - you will start to hear voices in your head
DRINK heavily when you can............nevermind, you won't have time
Weekend partying - GONE. You will be working on your school work ALL weekend
YOU WILL HAVE NO LIFE

I have absolutely no regrets! Seriously. I think what has helped me get through the agony is my very close friend Lorie, who is also in the program. She has been an inspiration and a blessing. I also feel that having a fantastic Dissertation Chair makes a big difference. I am very fortunate to have Dr. Paul - he is extremely intelligent and supportive.

Until next time!

The Queens

2007-06-07T14:00:00.001-04:00

The Queens Sydney and Monet.

I know what you are thinking. I can't believe she lets her cats sit on the dining room table. We NEVER eat at this table. Actually, we never eat at any table except for the tables at all the local restaurants. If we were to have guests over to eat my fantastic cooking, I would make sure that the cats sit in the chairs.

Florence, Italy

2007-06-07T10:59:00.000-04:00

Here is a picture of my cousin and his girlfriend on the left (Lucio - bald is beautiful and Patrizia - they live in Torino), Dave in the back, me, and Jimmy. This picture was taken in a restaurant in Florence.

Today is Jimmy's birthday - YIKES - 41 years old.

June 6, 2007

2007-06-06T20:51:00.000-04:00

This is my first posting on my blog. I am really excited to share my journey with anyone who is interested in reading about how insane my life is. You will probably grow tired of reading about all of the daily events that occur in my life. I am an overachiever, so anyone who spends more than a week with me will want to sleep for a month.

In a nutshell, here is my insane life:

I work full time at a consumer healthcare corporation in Pittsburgh (Go Steelers). I have been employed there for eight years. I love my job, but at times, it can get extremely chaotic, and I want to jump out of the third story window that is only a few feet away from my cube. Yes, I did say cube. I should say a small box. There is more room in a bathroom stall.

I am currently working on my doctoral degree (Ph.D). I will start my third and final year (keeping my fingers crossed on the "final") in a few weeks. I absolutely love to learn anything and everything. I am a huge advocate of education and feel that everyone who is capable (that is just about everyone) should strive to the highest level of education possible. I have to admit, after going to school for five years in a row (I spent two years in grad school right before I enrolled in the doctoral program), I just about had enough with education. I can't believe I just said that. I am sure on May 10, 2008, my attitude will........probably stay the same.

My job and working on my doctorate take up about 99% of the stress in my life. The other percent is the "I have to do everything before I die tomorrow". I have taken up painting (on canvas), learning Italian through classes and CDs, constantly changing the decor in my home, photography, hiking, biking, tennis, spending time with friends, and traveling. I love to travel. I just got back from Italy. OK - a year ago, but that has been the most exciting trip for me. I have a lot of family that lives in Italy and up until last year, I have not seen some of them in 15 years. Italy is one of my favorite countries. I have been to many places and I have to say, my favorite place to visit is Europe. I would always pick an European trip over a beautiful sandy beach in the Carribbean. Did I mention I have ADD - I am constantly changing thoughts here. I am tired.

I have so much more to share, but I think I may have scared a few people away. Trust me, you will never get bored reading my entries. I will try to post often and keep it exciting.

I forgot to mention - I absolutely love cats. I have two girls, Monet and Sydney. They are the love of my life. I will post a picture once I figure out how to post one.

Ciao for now. Until next time!

Claudia